I remember the night that my prayer for my mom changed from pleading for her healing to pleading for comfort and an easy death. My optimism could no longer create a convincing alternative reality to shelter in. She would not get better.
My story is not unique. Caregivers of all kinds can relate to this moment: the moment a spouse loses the ability to speak, the moment a father forgets their name, the moment a personality changes and your loved one is right in front of you but nowhere to be found. Disease and death are the reality of the broken world we live in. It shouldn’t be this way, and it won’t always be, but today it is. And it’s hard.
As a follower of Jesus, I struggled to reconcile the truth about peace that I read in my Bible with the chaos around me. My King was the Prince of Peace, and yet there was heartbreak and overwhelm. Sometimes being a Christian is to live in great tension.
“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world, you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.” Isaiah 26:3
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” John 14:27
Verse after verse presented peace as a gift, a choice, a beautiful, soothing balm that I had constant access to. And I did experience it. There were moments when the fear and fatigue melted away, and I rested in the assurance of hope found in Jesus. However, these moments were often fleeting and inconsistent.
Biblical peace references not just the absence of conflict but also wholeness or completeness, things being as they should be. Even in moments of peace with the Lord, I felt the gap. Things were not as they should be, nor would they ever be this side of Heaven for my mom or for me. I longed for a complete peace that would last. I didn’t want to leave God’s presence and head back into the waves. Of course, the Holy Spirit was with me, but it was so much more difficult to feel His peace as I multitasked through responsibilities than it was in moments of stillness.
Focused time with Jesus felt like a life raft where I could catch my breath during a long-distance, open-ocean swim. Even in times when I was too tired to do much more than just be, the quiet allowed me to become aware of the Holy Spirit, to process, and to help my body’s fight-or-flight systems calm down. It was these moments that sustained me as I returned again and again to waters that I desperately did not want to be in.
Ironically, my peace did not come peacefully.
Ultimately, any peace I possess is because Jesus restored the broken relationship between me and God by suffering violently. My peace throughout my mom’s last several years often came on the other side of weeping as the Lord held me. Today, I fight for peace by choosing to remind myself of biblical truth and then choosing to believe it. Pursuing peace is not passive; oddly, it often requires long-suffering.
I still desire to stay in that place of peace forever, to feel it always. I now recognize this as a longing for Heaven, a longing for Jesus to return, and for things to be as they should be. Even as I write, I smile, knowing that this will come. But today, we are not yet home, and we need moments of peace—however incomplete—to strengthen us as we face suffering. This is the importance of respite.
Respite is a period of rest or relief from something difficult and respite care is a service that provides Caregivers with a temporary break from caregiving. It is an ongoing priority in Makers of Care services and programs. You can find out more about their brand-new Respite Program by clicking here.
If you are a Caregiver who resides in Phoenix and the surrounding suburbs, we encourage you to apply today.
I also encourage you to ask Jesus how He may want you to partner with this work we are doing. Together, we can help Caregivers run the race set before them with endurance (Hebrews 12:1).
Give a Caregiver the gift of respite by clicking here to donate. $35 is one hour of respite, $140 is equal to 4 hours. All gift sizes are welcomed.
Kylee Slebodnik is a global worker with WorldVenture, a Health and Wellness Coach (NBCHWC), and a wife and mom. With a passion for storytelling, Kylee invites readers to self-reflect as she explores the human experience and seeks to glorify God.